


Love & Denial

by toocoldforyouhere (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Elounor, Engagement, F/M, Hurt feelings, M/M, chaptered fic, larry stylinson - Freeform, smut later on, soul searching, unrequited love - at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-09 12:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/toocoldforyouhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles has been in love with his best friend Louis Tomlinson for the better part of 3 years. However, Louis's feelings don't seem to be the same as he's planning on marrying his "wonderful" girlfriend Eleanor Calder. Awkward feelings drift between Louis and Harry. Something has got to give. Someone will break. Whether it'll be Harry or Louis, no one knows, but the brightest people can see what they have is not something that comes easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! :) So, this is my first chaptered fic on A03. I hope you like it! I am not sure where I'm going with this, but I have 3 chapters written. I guess I'll just wing it! :)

“I'm sick of being alone,” Harry told the bartender who was mixing his drinks. “Y'know? And I'm not even lonely. I have a shit ton of friends, but...” he trailed off.

  
“But what, kid?” Harry stayed silent. The bartender pressed on. “C'mon, you've gotta tell me. 'M curious now.”

  
Harry breathed out a sigh and downed a shot of whiskey. “But I don't have him.” He twirled the empty glass absentmindedly before putting his head in his hands.

  
“Who? Who don't you have?” The bartender was persistent.

  
Harry shifted and looked up, letting his arms fall to his sides. “Louis.”

  
The bartender nodded, pouring Harry another glass of hard alcohol. “Louis? What's so special about 'im?”

  
Harry smiled bitterly. His eyes darkened slightly, and he knocked back the drink carelessly.

  
“Oh, lots of things.” he said vaguely. “He's so special – you wouldn't understand.” Harry chuckled humorlessly. “And, I'm in love with him.”

  
The bartender nodded again. “But you don't have 'im?” he questioned, raising his brow. “Why not?”

  
The smile that rested on Harry's lips dropped. He sighed heavily and rubbed his sinuses. “He's in love with someone else.”

  
The bartender stayed quiet. He poured Harry another drink. The silence felt endless.  
-  
Louis lifted a tall wine glass to his lips and took a languid sip. He watched as Eleanor mirrored his actions, and then smiled. She smiled back andLouis set his drink down.

  
“You look beautiful tonight.” he whispered honestly. Her curly brown locks were set free, she had on a flattering black dress, her makeup was simple. She shone with outer and inner beauty.

  
A blush crossed her cheeks. “Thank you.” she replied. “You look amazing, too.”

  
Louis grinned at the compliment. Eleanor's eyes sparkled. “I love you.” he said.

  
Eleanor blushed again. “I love you, too.”

  
 _Beautiful,_ Louis thought to himself. _So damn beautiful._

  
A short, sullen-faced waitress walked over to their table and set down plates of food. Ravioli for Louis and Alfredo for Eleanor. “Thank you's,” slipped from their lips. The waitress nodded in acknowledgement and was gone.

  
Louis and Eleanor ate their meals in a respective, comfortable silence. The girl spoke after a while, a thought buzzing around her head, bothering her. “Have you spoken to Harry lately?”

  
Louis frowned and didn't look up from his meal. “No.”

  
“Why not?” she sighed.

  
Louis shrugged. “He's been - busy.” An obvious lie.

  
Eleanor stayed quiet. Louis took another sip of his drink. The romance of the evening was lost, and the silence felt endless.


	2. Chapter 2

The room was crowded, much too crowded for Harry's liking. There were 5 boys, 1 girl, and 6 families, chattering and drinking happily. Well, 4 boys, 1 girl, and 6 families were chattering and drinking happily. Harry was just drinking. He was horribly sad, and not in the mood to talk. The worst news possible had just been dropped on him. A weight was settled in his chest. He had a drink in his hand, one of the many of that night. He downed it. It was so easy for him to get drunk with the news weighing over his head, and the room was crowded, so nobody would notice.

Harry's mum slunk through the throng of people and stood next to him. “Honey, haven't you had enough to drink?” she said softly, her voice laced with concern, her eyes soft.

Harry shifted awkwardly on his feet. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I guess I have.”

She smiled and took the glass of wine from his hand. “Aren't you happy?” she asked. “Lou's getting married. He and Eleanor are so good together. You should be happy.”

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, a forced smile breaking out across his features. “Yeah,” he choked out. “I'm happy.” But he wasn't happy, and when his mum walked away, he got another drink.

-

The room was crowded, and Louis loved it. The attention was on him for the night. He heard “congratulations” too many times to count. He was with his 4 best friends, and all of their families, as well as Eleanor's. Eleanor, his lovely fiancé. Louis was so happy, but something was off about the night. Harry hadn't said a word to him since the announcement. In fact, he'd simply disappeared into the crowd. Harry's mother had congratulated him. Harry's sister had congratulated him. But not Harry himself. Not his best friend. Granted, they hadn't spoken much lately, but hell. Wasn't he happy for Louis?

Eleanor stepped away from her family and made her way to Louis. Her smile was breathtaking. “This turned out great,” she said. “Everyone is so excited.”

Louis grinned. “I'm so excited.” She nodded and kissed his lips.

She pulled away, a concerned look washing over her features “What's wrong?” Louis looked away and shifted on his feet. “It's just - “ he paused. “Harry hasn't said anything to me...” he trailed off.

Eleanor hugged Louis and kissed his cheek. “He'll come around.” Louis nodded, and then she was off, mingling with the crowd. He could only hope she was right. Harry would come around, wouldn't he?


	3. Chapter 3

Harry's apartment – formerly Harry and Louis's apartment – felt too big, too cold, too quiet with just one person there. The stillness seemed to echo around the empty walls. Harry couldn't bring himself to try to lessen the loneliness. He knew that his efforts would be futile, and that he'd suffer even more. 

There was a chill in the air. Harry had a thick blanket around his broad shoulders, but he still shivered. He thought the coldness had seeped into his bones. When, he didn't know. Maybe it was when Louis announced that he had a girlfriend. Maybe it was when Louis moved out. Or maybe it was brand-new, swirling around Harry's feet at the engagement party and crawling further inside him since. He didn't know, and he didn't care. Harry simply understood that life wasn't great without Louis next to him, and it was downright shit when he was next to someone else.

Harry sighed, the gentle sound penetrating the silence he had allowed to swarm in the air. He absentmindedly picked up the remote, turning the TV on. He flicked through the channels, resting on some shitty sit-com. Cheesy acting, unfunny jokes, and prerecorded laugh tracks filled his flat. 

_It's better than nothing,_ Harry thought sullenly. _It's better than nothing at all._

Harry watched the TV show blankly. Louis loved this stuff. He always made them fun. He brought the stories to life. He acted like one of the characters, and he made the half-an-hour spent watching the dumb comedies well worth it. Tears formed in Harry's eyes, pooling and getting ready to fall. He stood up, shedding his blanket carelessly. In a few quick motions, the television was unplugged. 

Harry knew he shouldn't have attempted to make the apartment feel more lively. He was right. All it caused was sadness and pain. 

-

Eleanor was out with her girlfriends, leaving Louis alone in their cozy cottage. He'd been listening to music when he felt a pang in his chest. Louis's eyes involuntarily shut. An image of Harry perforated itself in his mind. Louis sighed softly. He missed his best friend. 

It took Louis longer than he'd like to admit to open his eyes. He shook his head.

“He'll come around.” he said to himself. He had repeated the phrase too many times to count by this point. “He will.”

With that hopeful promise to himself hanging in the air, Louis walked over to his radio and turned it off. He made his way to the couch and plopped down, turning on the television. It was already on his favorite sit-com. He smiled faintly as he watched. 

Halfway through the show, thoughts of Harry flooded his mind once again. Louis always found it so funny how much the boy hated these types of shows. Harry would bitch and whine about the unoriginal plot and horrible acting, but he'd sit there and watch it with Louis anyway. Louis always found joy in acting along with the show. He knew Harry mainly watched him. Louis would end up missing most of the episode and having to watch it when Harry was out, but it was worth it to hear him giggling in the background. Harry's laughter always beat the ones on the show.

Louis frowned and shut off the TV. These thoughts about Harry were becoming more and more frequent. Missing him was to be expected, but Louis thought that he'd also be preoccupied with thoughts about Eleanor. He was discovering that his fiancé was growing less important to him by the day.

Louis shook his head. “I need a nap.” he said to himself. He stood from the couch and went to the bedroom that was his and Eleanor's, sinking into the warm and homey bed. He sighed, drifting off.

Louis was happy. He was getting married to the love of his life. Everything would be all right if he ignored the situation with Harry. He was wrong. Ignoring the situation caused Louis more grief than he ever expected. 


	4. Chapter 4

Harry had no idea why Louis called him at approximately 1:37 p.m. on Sunday, but he was happy about it. He had a small smile on his lips as he walked to the little cottage Louis and Eleanor rented – he'd told himself that it was just Louis's to keep himself sane – and he even hummed. Louis rarely ever called Harry anymore, and they hadn't spent time together in so long. Lord knows Harry wouldn't spark a conversation.

So, with a small bit of hopeful happiness, he made his way to Louis's. 

_Maybe the engagement is called off,_ he thought. Harry quickly banished that, because even if it was, he knew Louis loved Eleanor and that he needed to be supportive. No matter what, even if it was hard. (He was beginning to recognize his lack of support lately.)

Harry found himself at Louis's front step quicker than he expected. He felt nervous, so he took a few calming breaths before knocking softly on the door.

Louis stepped out, looking much happier than Harry had hoped (he felt quite selfish). “Come in, Haz!” he chirped.

Harry walked inside and sat down next to Louis on the couch. “So, what's up?” 

Louis grinned in the way that made Harry's heart skip a beat. “I was going to ask you if you'd be my best man?”

Harry's heart skipped a beat again, but not because he was overjoyed.

-

Making the decision to call Harry was one of the hardest things he'd had to do in a long time. However, Louis knew that Harry wasn't going to talk to him on his own. He knew his best friend (he wasn't sure if that title was accurate anymore, but he hoped it was) better than he knew himself. Admittedly, better than Eleanor, too.

Louis had been ecstatic when Harry agreed to come over. He was originally intending to ask Harry to be his best man, but shit. Louis had realized too late that he didn't actually have anything to say, so it kind of … slipped out. But he wanted it. He wanted Harry to participate in the wedding (the wedding which he was growing more and more unsure about by the day), because he loved him. 

Louis hoped Harry would say yes. He nearly prayed for it. The crestfallen look on the younger boy's face certainly didn't bode well. However, after a long round of silence, Harry choked out a, “of course, Lou.” He left directly after.

Louis didn't know what to make of all of it.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry ran his fingers across his leather journal and sighed as he opened it and scanned through the entries. He rolled his eyes, unsurprised that most, if not all, of them contained Louis's name. It made him angry, so he flipped to a clean page and pulled out a pen.

Entry 91.

It is a sad fact that almost all of my thoughts recorded in this journal are somehow related to Louis. Wow, that sounded fancy. Whatever. Anyway, Louis is really all I write about. It's a shame. He's all I think about, too. Well. Not really, but the majority of my thoughts are about him. That's so lame. I can't believe I agreed to be his best man. I basically just dug my own grave. Sucks to suck, right? You know what really fucking sucks? Loving someone so much that it fucking hurts, and then having to deal with their stupid relationship. Why the fuck would Louis want to live with Eleanor? Why would Louis want to marry Eleanor? Am I just not good enough for him? Probably not.

By the time Harry was finished writing, he had hot tears in his eyes ready to roll down his cheeks. He chucked his journal against the wall and growled, stomping to the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of cheap vodka. He chugged it all down, stomped to his room, and promptly fell asleep.

-

Louis laid in bed, spooning Eleanor from behind. His arms were around her petite waist as she slept peacefully. Louis wanted to drift off, but he couldn't. His thoughts were clouded by the memory of Harry cuddling him like this, holding him a secure and loving embrace. Louis gulped and pulled Eleanor closer to his body. She stirred slightly, and then turned around, snuggling into his chest. Louis tried to find this adorable, but it really just annoyed him.

Louis looked down at Eleanor's sleeping face and sighed. He wished it was Harry. Slowly, he untangled himself from her and slipped into the bathroom. Louis looked at himself in the mirror and frowned. He looked as stressed and exhausted as he felt. 

Louis walked back to the bedroom to make sure Eleanor was still sleeping, and when he was positive she was, tiptoed downstairs. His phone was on the charge in the living room next to the couch. Louis sank into the cushions and picked it up, going to his contacts and scrolling down until his thumb landed on 'Hazza'. Louis stared at the number for a long while.

Finally, he clicked 'call'. The phone rang and rang and rang, but Harry didn't answer. Louis bit back tears of shame and slammed his phone down, nearly sprinting back upstairs and crawling back into bed with the person he was _supposed_ to be in love with.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry was tired. He wasn't physically tired, really - he was just done with, well, pining over a certain someone he knew he could never have. After Harry agreed to be Louis's best man, his life kind of went to shit. He had drank a lot, partied a lot, fucked a lot (of people he didn't even know), and cried (a lot). It was awful, and Harry couldn't handle it anymore. He realized that he was his own person (not Louis's, though he so badly wanted to be) and he was the only one who controlled his life.

And Harry was frightened, because he wasn't quite sure what to do. He knew getting over Louis wasn't an option (was it an option?), but he really couldn't go on as he was just because he couldn't be with him (could he?). Harry had come to terms with the fact that he had been _dependent_ on Louis, and that made him sick. Harry was his own person. He never, _ever_ wanted to rely on someone else for his personal happiness.

It took Harry just a short while before it dawned on him that he was almost obsessed with Louis. Nausea didn't even begin to describe the disgusted feeling in the pit of his stomach. Harry didn't think it was right to be so involved with someone else. He and Louis had never been in a relationship, and Harry had never told Louis his feelings. Harry had to detach himself from Louis. He could no longer spend so much time thinking about him. Harry began to drill the fact that his friendship with Louis was just that - a _friendship._ Purely platonic. And although this broke his heart, Harry had high hopes that one day he'd be fine with that.

So, with determination set in his heart and a (forced) smile on his lips, Harry began writing the speech he'd give at Louis's wedding. He almost convinced himself that everything would work out like it should.

Almost.

-

Louis was really worried about Harry. He'd heard from a few friends that Harry had been going out too much, drinking tons, and hooking up with a lot of people, only to break down afterwards. Louis tried texting his "friend", he tried calling, he even tried emailing; but Harry hadn't responded yet. So basically Louis was really worried, but also really dissappointed and sad (even a little angry, but he wouldn't admit it).

Louis also was beginning to feel, well, nothing for Eleanor. Their wedding was in two months and the sparks Louis had once had for her were gone. In fact, the girl was just an annoying part of Louis's life. However, he couldn't call off the wedding (could he?) and break her heart (should he?). It just wasn't right. Yet, Louis was having doubts about the whole situation every day. All of his friends (minus Harry) and family members were so excited and happy for him. It didn't seem logical to break off his engagement now, but how was it logical to marry someone one has slowly fallen out of love with?

Louis didn't know, and that scared him. He wished he could talk to someone about it, someone who wouldn't judge him for feeling how he did. But, Louis didn't feel like he had anyone to turn to, so he kept his feelings to himself and kept planning a marriage that was 99.9% sure to fail.

_"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you, and_

_what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up, but you're okay, and - "  
_

Louis recognized his ringtone _(Breakeven,_ by the Script) and answered his phone without checking the caller-ID. A halfhearted "hello?" left his lips.

"Hey, Lou!" It was Harry, sounding more cheerful than he had in months. Louis grinned, feeling his heart speed up.

"Hey, Haz, what's up?" It had been so long since Harry called. Louis could barely breathe. He was so excited.

"I'm writing the speech for your wedding, how's this?"

Louis's good mood left as quickly as it came as Harry read out his (fantastic) speech for the wedding. Louis knew in that moment that he was truly and utterly fucked. He had to go one with this marriage. Even his best friend seemed to be on board now.


End file.
